i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
