This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
