Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
