I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
