i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
