Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
