I could make wine with my vomit
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
