I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
