she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im part way to drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
