So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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