i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
