I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
