He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
