If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize