There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize