pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
