When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
