What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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