How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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