I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
