Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This baby is an asshole
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
