Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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