so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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