if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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