Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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