After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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