She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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