Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
