how do flat chested girls get laid?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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