I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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