remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
