I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
