2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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