I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize