I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do vagina's smell?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
