So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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