Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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