toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
