Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
