Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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