I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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