You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found the puke drawer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
