No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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