Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
