I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
