i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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