Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
