too bad you live with your parents still
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
