Why are handjobs necessary in class?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
