Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Me too!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
