we made out on top of his cat.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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