I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
