Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
