This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
