We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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