Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
