sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
