This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize