I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
