your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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