she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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