My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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