she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
