alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
