nut hugger
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
