and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize