Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
