So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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