upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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