so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
