I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
