Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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