My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize